Barking At The Bachelor: Season 21, Episode 7

Our Apologies… Welcome back to Barking At The Bachelor!
We’re showing up to our own party a day late due to excessive Galentines Day celebrations with our sweet friend Giulia, Fashionista behind the ever-adorable Palm Trees & Pellegrino. However today is a new day, and we are so happy to have you with us for another week, recapping the highs and lows of life as an avid viewer of The Bachelor. This week was truly one like no other, because it managed to be both incredibly dull and extremely interesting all at once! Wondering how this could be? We are too! So hold on to your lattes, we’re going on a trip to Bachelor-Land!

So by now most of you have probably heard that we have our next Bachelorette! Last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC announced it’s next leading lady. As usual, the new Bachelorette is a woman who won our hearts on a previous season, but struck out looking for love. This year was no different save for one little detail… She’s still on the show! That’s right Bachelor Nation, we just found out via late night television that our (or at least Ruby and my) favorite contestant this season doesn’t win Nick’s heart. Good news is, he didn’t deserve her anyways. So congratulations to Rachel Lindsey, lawyer at large, on becoming America’s new Bachelorette!

Meanwhile, back in Bachelor-Land…
Back on the show, we rejoin our ladies in the midst of a full-scale freak out over Nick’s potentially season-ending declaration. We get it Nick, you’re afraid you’re going to get hurt again. Oh and YES, it is very, very likely that you’re trying too hard to force a relationship, that’s the whole point of the show. Luckily, in the light of day  Nick comes to his senses and decides to continue on his journey… Whew! That was a close one! And since Nick already dumped three of  his girlfriends this week, he cancels the rose ceremony and he and his pack flies off to the island of Bimini!

Let’s go deeper…
Vanessa is the lucky winner of the first One-On-One in Bimini and she and Nick take off on a yacht for a day of sunbathing and snorkeling amongst the shipwrecks. The two seem to really be hitting it off, and aside from the incredibly awkward, underwater snorkel-mask kiss, everything seems to be going swimmingly. That is, until dinner, when Vanessa decides to profess her love for Nick. Interestingly enough, Nick completely slams on the breaks and stumbles over his words to awkwardly explain why he can’t tell her anything yet because he’s obviously dating several other women… OUCH. She’s noticeably upset, but the date draws to a close anyways.

Baby there’s a shark in the water…
Corinne, Kristina, and Raven are this week’s willing Group Date victims. The party of four boards yet another yacht and set sail for shark infested waters for a quick dip. It was, in fact, a very quick dip as Kristina only lasted 30 seconds in the ocean before she climbed out in terrified tears. Sure, swimming with sharks might be a little intimidating, but they truly were little bitty sharks, and the experts were close by to supervise. Unfortunately, her crocodile tears were rewarded and Nick coddled her for the rest of the date, leaving Corinne (the only remaining contestant who hasn’t had a One-On-One) and Raven out to dry. That is, until out of nowhere Raven snags the Group Date Rose and is whisked off for a private nighttime concert and dancing on the beach.

Let’s ride off into the sunset together…
Danielle is the lucky lady to snag the second One-On-One, which involves beers and bike riding in Bimini (try saying that 10 times fast). The date is noticeably awkward, and at dinner Nick takes yet another uncomfortable silence as his cue to break things off. Poor Danielle… But it’s probably for the best. She can now take the opportunity to focus on her career as music video model (Watch for her in Cole Swindell’s Middle Of A Memory music video HERE)!

Her sex abilities are “Top Knotch”…
That right Ladies and Gents, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for, Corinne and her “platinum vagine” are on the prowl and looking to get a piece of Nick. In the dark of night, she dolls herself up and sneaks over to Nick’s suite, hoping to seduce him. Unfortunately for her, Nick catches on to her plans and quickly shuts her down. Now to me, this whole sequence of events felt like a huge set up straight from an After School Special, complete with Nick actually asking her “slow down”, but I’ll let you judge for yourself. Either way it’s awkward and Corinne is rejected yet again.

Last but not least…
Rachel has her One-On-One with Nick, which is exactly like the other two, and is now irrelevant since we know that these two won’t be living happily ever after.

But that’s not all!
In an actually shocking turn of events, Nick decides to rather dramatically dump Kristina the morning before the Rose Ceremony. He bursts into the bungalow where the ladies are staying and pulls her out on to the porch, telling her he loves her, but isn’t IN LOVE with her... Thanks for clearing that up, Nick! I’m actually pretty sad to see Kristina go, she turned out to be an interesting human, but alas, she is not Nick’s human. So buh-bye!

Well folks, that’s all I have for this week! Thanks for checking in with us for Barking At The Bachelor on a Wednesday, and be sure to check back in with us next TUESDAY at 12 PST for a recap of all the exciting Hometown Date drama!
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Which date did you enjoy watching most this week? 
Which Hometown Date are you most excited for?
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