Barking At The Bachelor: Season 21, Episode 6

Hello Bachelor Babes (and Bros)!
Coffee in hand, I’m coming at you with a lightning fast follow up to what might have been the lamest episode of The Bachelor to date. I mean seriously, I’ve never seen so many tears shed over so little drama. So, if you haven’t watched this week’s episode yet, fear not! I’m really not spoiling anything this week.

Last week’s episode left off with a HUGE cliff hanger in which Taylor the Seattleite resurrected herself from her breakup with bachelor Nick Viall to crash his dinner date with Corinne. Bachelor Nation was rejoicing, FINALLY some drama! Except… Not really. To his credit, instead of feeding in to the blowout Nick actually diffused the situation in a mature and understanding manner. He was courteous to both ladies, but in the end, he stood by his decision and Taylor was left out in the cold while he and Corinne finished their date.

The Rose Ceremony…
When the ladies arrive for the Rose Ceremony they are greeted by the infamous Chris Harrison, who informs them that Nick has decided to forego the traditional pre-ceremony Cocktail Party and get straight to the action. The ladies are a bit startled and far too sober as they set up for the Rose Ceremony. Everyone is tense, but the ceremony is wrapped up in record time and as the clock runs out, Jaimi, Josephine, and Dolphin-Shark Alexis are left empty handed.

White, sandy beaches and clear, blue water…
Post-ceremony Nick lets the girls in on a little secret, this week they’re jetting off to St. Thomas! After a medley of stock footage of sun, sand, and surf Nick makes his grand entrance to St. Thomas via float plane and whisks Kristina away for a super dull, stereotypical, Bachelor Beach One-On-One. I was seriously bored out of my mind. Don’t get me wrong, drinking beers on the beach is one of my favorite ways to kill a Saturday, but it generally doesn’t make for good TV (excepting Jersey Shore… R.I.P.).

Later in the date Kristina reveals her sob story over lobster. Surprisingly, this is actually a real hardship for once. Born in Russia, she was sent to an orphanage by her mother at a very young age, but not before being abandoned and starved first. On one desperate occasion, she recalls eating lipstick while her mother left her unattended for hours on end. However, her story has a happy ending as she was adopted out of the Russian orphanage at age 12 and brought to the United States to live with her forever family. Nick is touched, and after giving her the rose they awkwardly sway in the middle of a group of dancers while they’re serenaded by an army of steel drums.

Love’s a beach…
For this Group Date, Rachel, Raven, Vanessa, Corinne, Danielle M., and Jasmine climb aboard a catamaran and set sail for yet another beach date with Nick. I get it, the producers just need an excuse to get the ladies in bikinis, but these dates are so dull I actually got up and did dishes for part of the time. All you need to know about this date is they tried to play volleyball and literally everyone got pissed, especially Jasmine who is freaking out so hard about not having a one-on-one yet that she actually tries to choke/mount Nick during their alone time that evening. He isn’t having it and sends her home on the spot and my girl Raven gets the group date rose for being literally the only person not to cry that day.

Here we go again…
This week also brought us another Two-On-One date. Whitney (who seriously hasn’t existed until this episode) and Danielle L. are this week’s victims. So begins another cliché beach date, helicopter to a secluded beach complete with a conveniently placed, ornate cabana. I. AM. SO. BORED. Nick keeps telling everyone he doesn’t want to waste their time, but he’s been wasting mine all night. I mean, heads are rolling, I’m two glasses of chardonnay deep, and I’m STILL BORED. Nick breaks it off with Whitney (because they’ve literally never spoken before this date), and I’m still bored. Nick and Danielle L. have a heart to heart, still bored. Nick decides to dump Danielle L. too… WAIT, WHAT!? Can he do that? Tears are flowing on screen and things are about to get good…

… or not. Danielle L. leaves and Nick starts having the lamest mental breakdown ever. He even drags his blubbering self through the ladies hotel suite in an effort to cause a stir. I get it, he’s worried that round 1,283,352,820 of realty show dating won’t work out for him, and that is completely valid. However, I’m still bored and I don’t feel bad for him because he’s kinda a jerk. Oh, and Corinne is still there. So, yeah.

We close on a very dramatic(ish) scene of Corinne Nick storming out of the girl’s hotel room talking about how he doesn’t know if he can finish the season and I am actually thankful that torture was over. I would have rather watched Chris Harrison whiten his teeth for two hours than all that garbage.

So folks, there you have it. You’re welcome for saving you two hours of your life that I’ll never get back. For now, let’s hope and pray to the reality TV gods that our patience is rewarded with “the most dramatic episode yet” next week, because as much as I LOVE The Bachelor, it is all to clear that they need to step up their game.
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What did you think of this week’s dates?
What are your thoughts on this season of The Bachelor
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