Barking At the Bachelor: Season 21, Episode 3


Hey there Bachelor Nation!
It’s Wednesday and you know what that means? It’s time for another rousing recap of this week’s episode of The Bachelor, brought to you by yours truly and an inordinate amount of caffeine. You know I’m dedicated to my craft to wake up at this ungodly hour to write my recap, but you do what you gotta do, right? Anywho, let’s get started.

The Cocktail Party Begins…
We open up amidst the confusion following the last group date, where Bachelor Nick Viall booted Liz and admitted to the girl that they had hooked up a few months ago at a wedding. The Mansion is in chaos as ladies seem to hit all five stages of grief for their week long relationship in a matter of minutes. Nick, with all the grace of a newborn baby donkey, meets with each of the girls to discuss his playboy behavior, who all of course, forgive him. Why would they forgive him for acting like such a scalawag? Well, they already gave up their careers and spent thousands on beauty supplies to go on this “journey” so you best believe his side piece isn’t going to deter them.

I know what you’re going to ask, how did Corinne take the news of her boyfriend’s fling? Lucky for us, she took it as a sign that Nick was down for anything, and quickly hatched a plan to get jiggy with him during Cocktail Hour. Armed with whipped cream and dressed (in true psycho fashion) in a trench coat and not much else, Corinne began her quest to capture Nick’s attention by making him lick whipped cream off her ta-ta’s while lying on a pillow in the driveway. Yes folks, it was in fact the stuff restraining orders are made off, and Nick was trying to hide his excitement while shutting her down for the night. Corinne, always the image of dignity and grace, retreated to the bathroom where she bawled loudly at her own dismissal.

The Rose Ceremony…
The ladies finally line up for the rose ceremony, and Christen, Danielle M. and Corinne are smiling happily having already received their roses. Well, Christen and Danielle M. are smiling happily… Where’s Corinne? We come to find out she’s asleep in her bunk, rose and all, recovering from her horrific attempt to seduce Nick. Everyone takes note of her absence, our Bachelor included, but no one bothers to summon her from her slumber because, let’s be real, we all could use a break.

The Rose Ceremony proceeds in rapid-fire fashion and Nick lets go Hailey, Lacey and another nameless blond girl who I didn’t even recognize. I went back to try to catch her name, and it seems even the producers couldn’t remember it, because it was never mentioned… Poor thing.

Everybody...
Date Card One invites Danielle L., Christen, Christina, Whitney, Taylor, Jasmin, and Corinne to spend the day with Nick. The clue is cryptic, saying nothing more than “Everybody…”. No. It couldn’t be. Could it? A Backstreet Boys date!?! I was instantly regretting not applying to be on this season. The ladies are ecstatic as the Boys enter the Mansion and ask the ladies not to wear heels for their date. They depart with an impromptu rendition of 'I Want It that Way' (swoon!) and the ladies rush off to the limo where they pop champagne in preparation for yet another awkward (but in this case completely awesome) Group Date.

The girls arrive at Burbank Studios and learn that they will be rehearsing to be backup dancers for a Backstreet Boys show that evening. The choreography begins and we very quickly see that Danielle L. and Jasmin, former Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader, are the front runners. I also rejoiced to see that Corinne was floundering miserably in the back, and that Nick took absolutely no notice when she ran out crying like a spoiled child in the middle of rehearsal.

Finally, the time has come for the performance, which was awkward at best. The girls danced their hearts out, but ultimately Danielle L. won the day (which is a load of crap, because Jasmin slayed). She enjoyed a victory slow dance on stage with Nick while the Backstreet Boys serenaded the happy couple. In true Bachelor fashion, the other ladies were forced to watch their PDA from the far side of the stage, and most were unable to hide their irritation.

Fast forward to that evening’s Cocktail Hour and Corinne grabbed Nick first (surprise, surprise) to apologize for sleeping through the Rose Ceremony, then upon saying goodbye promptly snuck off to sleep again in the production room. But you know, I don’t blame her, she’s really struggling being away from her Nanny, Rochelle, who makes her cucumbers, lemon salad, and cheese pasta on top of her other duties such as making her bed and doing her laundry. Now, I know I have been hard on Corinne, but the more I learn about her I’m kinda starting to envy her. Adulting is hard and every once and awhile I could really use a nanny to make my poptarts and refill my wine glass… But I digress. Danielle L. and Nick share another slow dance, complete with a not so subtle booty grab, and she closes the deal on her Group Date Rose.

You make me feel like I'm floating...
Vanessa the Canadian is thrilled to learn that she was chosen for this week’s One-On-One Date. The pair are going on a Zero G flight, which is a crazy plane ride full of climbs and nose dives that make you feel like you’re floating in space. The pair are first glued to the ground as the plan climbs and then weightless as it falls. Even in their dorky jumpsuits, this actually does look like a good time. They play around and make out in zero gravity and it honestly looks adorable.

But, sadly, the moment doesn’t last long because Vanessa quickly becomes airsick. Shockingly, Nick isn’t a jerk about it. He was actually super sweet and understanding, and even went as far as to comfort her and hold her hair while she puked. Am I the only one who finds this irritating? The same guy who’s licking whipped cream off of one girl and grabbing the butt of another is now comforting an airsick Canadian? I’m getting mixed signals.

Post-flight the two enjoy a rooftop dinner and Nick continues to be a sweet, dare I say, genuine guy. I mean, shoot, I could actually like this Nick. He even cried when he talked about how optimistic he was for their relationship before giving Vanessa the rose… Ugh. You got me producers, I might be Team Nick.

I'm done playing the field...
Date Card Three this week is for Rachel, Alexis, Astrid, Jaimie, Sarah, Brittany, and Dominique. Oh goody, an athletic date. I wonder which ABC contracted athletes are going to join us on the track? We welcome Carl Lewis, Allyson Felix and Michelle Carter, three track and field Olympians who are there to host a "Nick-athalon"... *Insert eye roll here*. The events in this ridiculous competition include limo long jumps, high jumping into nicks arms, and an arrow through the heart javelin toss.

Throughout the entire date, Astrid was falling out of her tiny sports bra, which apparently is built for neither comfort nor speed as she came in last place during the 100 meter dash for a plastic wedding ring. However, as luck would have it, Rachel finished first but knocked over the ring, allowing last place Astrid to recover it and score the not-so-private Jacuzzi time with Nick.

As we move along to the Cocktail hour Dominique whines about being overlooked throughout the course of the date. Newsflash honey, you’re really just boring. We also get another quick reminder that Jaimie was formerly a lesbian, in case we forgot. Finally, Dominique gets some alone time with Nick and proceeds to freak out at him for “not giving [her] a fair chance”. Nick, understandably confused by her unprompted unrest takes the opportunity to kick her to the curb. So, just like that, another one bites the dust. Luckily, lawyer Rachel is awarded yet another rose, further restoring my faith in Nick’s judgement. Too bad my restored faith didn’t last long…

Pool Party!
This week, Nick (Read: The Producers) decided to spice things up opted for a Pool Party in place of a Cocktail Party. As expected ladies went all out in their flashiest swimwear and fawned over the shirtless Nick. Everyone tries to make a pass at him, and Raven even goes as far as to slather sunscreen on him. Get it girl! But of course, Corinne is not to be outdone. The princess somehow procured a pink bouncy castle and surprises Nick with a half-naked romp, and he cannot hide his excitement, saying that he enjoys how “fun” Corinne is… HA! Yeah, sure Nick. You’re into the fun. Anyways, the two got PG-13 in the bouncy castle, which drew some not-so-favorable responses from the other ladies, who are starting to question if Nick is really there for the #RightReasons.


What will Nick do? Defend his “relationship” with Corinne, or say goodbye to some more of his disgruntled girlfriends? For now we’ll just have to wait and watch for next week’s episode of The Bachelor!


What do you think of Corinne?
Is Nick on this journey for the #RightReasons?
Leave us your thoughts in the comments!

2 comments

  1. haha I love these recaps!! Oh, Corinne. Cannot wait to see what shenanigans happen next week!

    xo,
    katrina
    thedemuremuse.com

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad you like them Katrina! I know I have a blast writing them! Corinne... She's something special, isn't she? LOL!

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